Will Smith and My World View (The Wednesday Files)

There are a lot of fun things about marrying somebody from a different country -- the travel (because having to spend a few weeks in Brazil isn't all that bad!), the sexy accent (as it can make even the most boring word sound exotic and fun), and the many festas and futebol games that brought into your life.  But by far, one of my favorites is being able to share important cultural gems with my man.

Things like why I said, "We were gettin' jiggy wit it out there!"

"Gettig' jiggy wit it?  They never taught me that in my language school..."

Nope, they did not.  And it is a shame.  Because you missed an important part of the American heritage.

This is where YouTube has come in really handy. I just share this and instantly he understands...

Imagine the days before YouTube.  I mean, obviously I remember them.  In fact, I remember them quite well.  The first time I ever saw something on YouTube must have been around 2006 when a friend wanted to show us all the Ikea commercials that were banned in the USA.  But not in Europe!  And so we had sat and we watched and we laughed, and then we watched some more and laughed some more until our sides hurt. What an incredible waste of time, right? But -- oh! -- it was so funny!  Today it is just a part of our lives, and one that I am grateful for.  I mean, how else could I have explained to my husband tonight why I started singing, "Well, this is the story // all about how // my life got flipped // turned upside down..." when he put his hat on sideways and started dancing around?

If a picture speaks a thousand words, a video clip must speak well over a million.

Noticing a theme?

Yeah. Will Smith and I apparently go way back, and he has shaped the way I see the world.

I am not so sure that is a good thing, but it sure isn't a bad thing.  And now, thanks to the technology we have today, he can help shape the world of a Brazilian boy trying to understand this American way of life, one catch phrase or quick jingle at a time.


** Yes, I recognize that these are actually Vimeo videos, not YouTube.  They just embed nicer into the post.  But YouTube is my standard, go-to for important things like this ;)

// other posts on dual-cultural life //

Living in a Dual-Cultural World: Belonging

Belonging.  It's a feeling we all strive for.  And in a 'normal' situation (if ever a thing existed) it is hard enough.  But you add a different culture to the mix and it makes it a little more tricky.

A fellow North-American-wife-of-a-Brazilian mentioned this in the comments when I put up the original post.  "Sometimes it can be bittersweet as you don't feel you fully fit in on either side."  Yes, this is a true aspect of it that I didn't talk about/think about last time.  The truth is it is easier for me.  I live in my country, around my family, speak my language, and eat my food.  I dabble my toes in the Brazilian life for a couple minutes here or a couple of months there.  And yes, there are times when I realize I do not belong.

Like when I try to communicate with someone at the store and it comes out "cute", when really I want to be able to fully express myself and taken seriously.  Or even here in the States at a Brazilian get-together and they laugh at jokes that make no sense to me yet do not understand my reference to Gilligan... (hey, Dude was wearing a red polo and a sailor hat, what was I supposed to say?).  Mostly simple things, but things that remind you that the people you are surrounded by do not have the same understanding as you.

It can be something as basic as mentioning  how much I love brownies or chocolate chip cookies -- and I am met with blank stares.

Yet I have the easy side of it.  I just pull out some ingredients and show what these 'cookie-things' are all about.  And then I step back into my world one month later/ten minutes later, and chalk it up to a fun cultural experience.

Making cookies with the family.  And yes, I visited Costco before we traveled ;)

My husband, on the other hand, lives in this constantly.  Sure, he speaks English and likes the food here, and yes, I do make him beans and rice every once in awhile. But there is more to it than that.  When you have spent the first 27 years of your life in one world and then change it in for another there is bound to be complications along the way.

I asked him about this the other day.  "It's hard," he said, "because my friends today cannot understand my past, or what makes me me.  And yet my family and friends that I have had my entire life cannot understand my life today and what I am living.  So I don't fully fit in in either place anymore."  As far as I can tell, this is the truth for any ex-pat.  It was true for me while living in Palau and Ebeye, it is true for Americans living in Brazil, it is true for a Brit living in Hong Kong. And it can be a hard truth.

Brazilian man and American grandpa enjoying checkers at the Cracker Barrel

However, it doesn't mean it is a bad truth.  He is happy where he is today.  And he works to build the bridge between the two worlds he inhabits, while I work hard along beside him to help make that happen.  Skype is well used in this house.  Plane tickets are purchased for us to go there or for them (those who can) to come here. Friendships are made based off of common interests today instead of what happened yesterday. Some of his closest friends today are American; some of my best girlfriends are Brazilian.  Trips are made the market in town that sells Guarana Antartica and then we head out for In n' Out.  We keep our mind open to new things. And in the end we remember this: we don't need to always belong out there, as long as we belong in here.   Because here, in our little family of two, we both fully belong.

Really, isn't that what marriage is all about anway?

(Original post for Living in a Dual Cultural World)

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Living in a Dual-Cultural World

We fly two flags at our home. Not literally, we don't actually have a flag outside our front door, but in essence, we fly two flags.

My heart bleeds red, white, and blue.  But it also bleeds green and yellow, and yes, a deeper shade of blue.

Although you just see little glimpses of this here and there, mostly in regards to food, you would probably never really know this by reading my blog.  I write mostly about food, and we eat mostly American food because, well, I do the cooking. And he does the eating -- of whatever it is I put in front of him.

But if you were to see us live our lives in the day to day, things would appear a bit more multi-cultural.

Conversations are about futebol and football, personal independence and strong family ties, of living the 'American Dream' while enjoying life like a Brazilian...

Passports are filled with visas both ways, and travel plans are made around the need to spend time in Brazil with family.


Things that just make sense to me don't also make sense to him (you really should wear more than flip flops outside in December!) and vice versa (showers are for night time, always).

"I love you" is pronounced chee-ah-moo (Te amo) and we go through a nightly liturgy of sweet dreams and boa noite's, back and forth, each of needing to speak the language of our heart for it to really count.

The truth is, we are not an American family.  Nor are we a Brazilian one.  We are mixed.  And that is wonderful.

Before we got married, people told us two things: (1) Marriage is hard, and (2) marrying someone from another culture, especially one who moved to the states only when we got married, is even harder.

We listened to them, and we took their words to heart.  But then we sat down, talked it over, and walked up to that alter knowing that the odds were not against us, because we knew something they didn't know: We did not have to choose a culture, we could create our own.  It didn't have to be hard; it could be whatever we decided to make it be.

So that is what we set out to do.  Take the good from both, throw out (as much as possible) the bad.  We all know by now (or should!) that there is no perfect culture, no perfect country, but there are great cultures, great ideas, and when you take that greatness from both and mix them together, you really do live that cliche': You get the best of both worlds.  Beans and rice with mashed potatoes.  And it tastes so good...